Chapter 13

“Let’s go, didn’t you want to clean up?”

Xie Yan curved the corners of his mouth into a smile and pulled her forward.

His mood today seemed genuinely cheerful — even something as minor as wiping away blood he attended to personally. His warm hand held a handkerchief and dabbed it across her face bit by bit, the delicate warmth passing over her cheeks, and Su Jiao instinctively turned her head away.

“I can do it myself.”

“What? Afraid I won’t do it well?”

Xie Yan gave a soft laugh. Looking at him now — so languid and casual — it was hard to connect him to the person who, just moments ago, had laughed while cruelly severing fingers.

His fair hands were stained with fresh blood, and paired with that smile it made one’s heart fill with dread. Su Jiao thought that she had seen far too much of this kind of person in her previous life — the sort who could kill without a trace while chatting and laughing. It was truly…

“Hypocritical.”

The mutter hadn’t even left her lips when Su Jiao’s gaze fell on him, and she suddenly began to think seriously.

Had Xie Yan been this terrifying at this point in her previous life?

She remembered that when she first came to Yongning Hall, Xie Yan hadn’t seemed quite so frightening.

Otherwise she wouldn’t have dared to order him around so boldly.

Her eyes shifted, and Su Jiao’s hand tightened into a fist.

When did things start going wrong?

Was it that day she woke from unconsciousness and he had killed someone? Or later, when they returned to her family home? Or was it today?

She moved her slightly parched throat.

“Your Highness is so good to me.”

The words that blurted out of nowhere made Xie Yan raise an eyebrow.

This little thing counts as good?

Had he treated her that badly in their previous life? So badly that she could be moved by such a small gesture now.

He let out a soft scoff and curved his lips.

“It’s nothing more than a wave of—”

“Since Your Highness is so good, might you be even better to me?”

Su Jiao smiled sweetly and hooked her arm through his.

So she wanted something.

“Mm?”

Xie Yan thought lazily — his mood today was passable enough, and if she were to ask for the Huishui Condensed Dew Pill back, it wouldn’t be unreasonable to allow it.

“It’s nothing major — just the wedding sweets the nanny sent over on our wedding night. I had some and haven’t been able to stop thinking about them. I don’t know where they came from.”

Xie Yan’s hand paused mid-sleeve-flick, and those languid eyes of his instantly swept to Su Jiao.

She blinked.

“What’s the matter?”

Without realizing it, her grip on Xie Yan’s arm tightened slightly.

Blinking. Sweaty palms. Those were the habits she had always fallen back on when lying in her previous life.

His gaze dropped. Xie Yan saw through the barely perceptible probing and unease in her eyes.

Thwack—

He brought a hand down on top of her head and put on a look of concern.

“My Lady the Prince’s Consort, you haven’t been addled by all that blood just now, have you? On our wedding night you and I were in separate halls — what wedding sweets could there possibly have been?”

Her probing had come to nothing, yet Su Jiao was still unwilling to give up.

“Since when do I have such a small heart that blood would addle me? It was probably sweets I had at the Su household on the wedding day. After I came out and saw Your Highness I got caught in the heavy rain and ran a high fever for two days, so some things are a bit hazy.”

Xie Yan responded once more, his voice gentle.

“My Lady the Prince’s Consort, by the time you and I met, the rain had nearly stopped. And as for whether you had a high fever — have you truly forgotten that yourself?”

Xie Yan gave a light laugh.

“You clearly came looking for me outside Yongning Hall the very morning of that day, and I could see perfectly well that you were fine.”

“I found some herbal medicine afterward and treated it…”

“Wasn’t that herbal medicine for snakebite wounds?”

Xie Yan knew this matter all too well.

Su Jiao blinked at once and looked for a way to change the subject.

The suspicion that had just begun to stir in her heart dissipated somewhat.

Xie Yan absorbed every expression on her face.

“By the way, that assassin just now…”

“What about them?”

Su Jiao blinked again.

“Nothing — I just forgot to have Chang Lin give chase when he came over. Don’t know if he’s dead or not.”

“He must be dead. How could a menace like that live long?”

Xie Yan simply smiled and said nothing.

In truth, he had never intended to kill that person.

The moment the assassin appeared, he had already known who had sent him.

“Is your brother very free at home lately?”

The sudden question left Su Jiao momentarily stunned.

“My brother has just entered the Hanlin Academy — how could he have any free time?”

At this point Su Wei had passed the imperial examinations and taken first place the previous year, and had now entered the Hanlin Academy with excellent prospects ahead of him. In their previous life he had even entered the Ministry of War before she had become Empress — truly accomplished for someone so young.

When Su Wei came to mind, the pride and admiration in her eyes were impossible to hide. Xie Yan tilted his head and looked at her for a moment.

“Unsightly.”

“What?”

He cleared his throat.

“I think your brother has quite a lot of free time.”

Otherwise, who would have the leisure to meddle in a prince’s principal wife’s affairs?

Free time?

Su Jiao remembered that in her previous life, ever since her brother entered the Ministry of War he had been diligent and tireless, rising through the ranks in just two or three years, until the entire Ministry of War and the garrison outside the city all looked to him alone. Far more capable than that convenient father of hers.

“My brother has been impressive since he was small.”

“He’s not even your blood brother — where does this ‘brother’ come from, that you speak of him constantly?”

“He is still on our Su family register.”

When Su Wei’s origins were brought up, Su Jiao felt a pang of sorrow.

Her brother was the orphan of one of her father’s former comrades-in-arms, entrusted to him after that man’s death. Su Wei’s parents had both died in battle when he was only three years old. At the time, the Su household had no children of their own, and since that comrade had once saved her father’s life, her father took the child in to look after him.

Mother Su had felt tremendous tenderness for this child who had lost both parents, and had doted on him greatly in the years that followed. In those days her parents were devoted to each other. Her mother happened to have developed an ailment after giving birth to Su Jiao that left her unable to conceive again, so the two of them put their heads together and formally adopted the then eight-year-old Su Wei under her mother’s name, thereafter presenting him to the world as the eldest son of the Su household.

Though they were not blood siblings, Su Wei had always treated her with great care. When her betrothal to Xie Yan had been settled, Su Wei had knelt before the Emperor for an entire day requesting an audience. In their previous life, when Xie Yan first elevated the Noble Consort, it had also been Su Wei who caused a scene at the palace, nearly drawing his sword.

What did the absence of blood ties matter? He was the only brother she recognized.

****

The spring rain fell in a fine drizzle for two more days, and cleared on the afternoon of the third. Su Jiao was sitting in the pavilion with her eyes half-closed in a light doze when she heard Chang Lin lead an elderly eunuch in from outside.

“Third Prince, My Lady the Prince’s Consort — the day after tomorrow is the Cold Food Festival. His Majesty has decided to set out tomorrow for Huguo Temple to offer prayers and pay his respects. He has specially sent this servant to convey the message: the Prince and the Prince’s Consort are to go as well.”

Once the eunuch had finished speaking he departed from the front. Su Jiao was briefly dazed before she recalled the occasion.

Xie Yan was the legitimate son of the late Empress. This was also the one time each year he was permitted to leave Yongning Hall.

Emperor Jia and the late Empress had shared a deep bond, and even though he was dissatisfied with this son, he still required him to accompany them and offer incense every year without fail.

In previous years the Cold Food Festival had never been such a grand affair, but this year Emperor Jia intended to personally lead a party to Huguo Temple to offer prayers and seek blessings — for this was the tenth year since the late Empress had passed.

In her previous life, this visit to Huguo Temple had naturally taken place as well. Emperor Jia had summoned Xie Yan — a rare occurrence — and perhaps moved by thoughts of his late wife, had wanted to give him a chance to make amends.

Yet the two of them had quarrelled incessantly before the hall of the Buddha. Emperor Jia’s fury on that occasion was no less than it had been when the marriage decree was issued, and in the end Xie Yan received a full thirty lashes of the board, losing half his vitality before the matter was laid to rest.

Afterward there had been much speculation. Some said that day was also the anniversary of the First Prince’s death, and that the two had quarreled over this as well.

Thinking back on it now, it stirred a rare curiosity in Su Jiao — just what manner of person had this First Prince been, and what exactly had happened all those years ago, that someone dead so long could still drive such a wedge between father and son?

Recalling the dozens of lashes Xie Yan had received in her previous life, Su Jiao looked at him now as he stood outside the pavilion with his hands clasped behind his back, and felt conflicted.

Should she say something to warn him?

After all, his knee injury had not yet healed — adding new suffering would inconvenience her as well.

Su Jiao moved her feet slowly toward him.

“We set out tomorrow for Huguo Temple.”

“Mm.”

“You… I’ve heard that this year also marks the tenth anniversary of the late Empress’s passing?”

“That’s right.”

Xie Yan tilted his head to look at her.

When had she started speaking with such hesitation?

“Tomorrow Father Emperor will most likely be grief-stricken. If he should summon you… all of you princes — when you speak, please don’t provoke Father Emperor to anger.”

Xie Yan raised an eyebrow and immediately understood why she had been so conflicted.

“Don’t worry.”

He was not as foolish now as he had been in his previous life.

****

Xie Yan had agreed too quickly — so quickly that Su Jiao genuinely doubted his sincerity.

But to keep warning him any further would risk arousing suspicion, so she could only push down the words in her heart. The next day, on the way to Huguo Temple, the two of them walked side by side at the rear of the procession. She supported Xie Yan, whose leg was still not entirely steady, and kept glancing at his expression.

He seemed to be in a decent enough mood for now.

“My Lady.”

The sudden voice gave Su Jiao such a fright she nearly lost her footing and slid down the hill.

“What is it?”

All around them came and went with the carriages of the procession, with the imperial palanquin at the very front. Beyond the officials followed the family members of the various households.

“The Young Master has prepared a carriage. Huguo Temple sits halfway up the mountain — making the journey on foot is truly exhausting. The Young Master requests that you ride inside.”

The servant bowed his head.

Su Jiao looked up, and sure enough she saw a carriage stopped ahead, with Su Wei inside lifting the curtain.

“Jiao Jiao.”

He waved to her.

Every household had carriages — all except Xie Yan, this prince who had fallen out of favour. The Empress had deliberately seen to it that no one arranged one for him, and the rest had no thought to spare for a prince from the Cold Palace or how he had come to be there. As his wife, Su Jiao had naturally walked the entire way up alongside him.

Now that there was a carriage, she was naturally pleased, and was just about to accept — but she turned to glance at Xie Yan and hesitated.

She still needed to stay at Xie Yan’s side and remind him once more later.

With that thought, the step Su Jiao had begun to take came to a stop.

“Never mind — tell my brother that I’ll keep His Highness company and walk up with him.”

Only after the servant walked back did Xie Yan and Su Wei exchange glances, and then he turned his head.

“Why didn’t you go?”

Su Jiao was already exhausted from walking and answered without thinking.

“Husband and wife are one — I couldn’t bear to let His Highness walk alone.”

Su Wei had exceptional hearing, and in the instant that Xie Yan gave a soft laugh, Su Jiao’s words struck him like a blade.

The couple had only just arrived at Huguo Temple when they heard a guard outside relay the message that His Majesty had summoned the princes.

Xie Yan flicked out his sleeve and was about to leave with Chang Lin’s support when his wrist tightened — Su Jiao had pulled him back.

“Remember what I said yesterday. Don’t provoke Father Emperor to anger.”

Su Wei, standing to one side, turned to look at them once more.

The young husband and wife were dressed in matching violet robes. When Su Jiao waved and smiled at him, the worry she couldn’t quite conceal was plain to see — just like any wife who urges her husband again and again before he goes to an imperial audience.

Su Wei’s expression showed nothing as he pressed his long fingers into his palm until blood ran, then turned and left.

Past midday, the princes had not yet returned. Madam Su was resting in the courtyard arranged by the monks when a voice came from outside.

“The Young Master is here.”

“Why would Wei’er come over when he’s so busy?”

“Jiao Jiao instructed a monk earlier to brew some herbal tea — to ward off the cold. It was a chilly journey to Huguo Temple. She and I were both worried Mother might catch a chill.”

Su Wei carried a bowl of the herbal tea and held it out before Lady Su.

A look of deep feeling crossed her face at once.

“You and Jiao Jiao are both good children, thinking of me even when you’re so busy.”

“It’s cold out, Mother. Drink it while it’s hot.”

Madam Su immediately took the porcelain bowl and drank it down in one go.

When she finished, she pressed her handkerchief to the corner of her mouth, and seeing Su Wei turn to leave, quickly called out after him.

“The spring chill is biting — don’t let yourself freeze while you’re out there working. Nanny, go fetch that cloak for the Young Master.”

Only once Madam Su watched Su Wei pull the garment tightly around himself did she feel at ease enough to let him go.

After midday had passed, Su Jiao finished her meal and, seeing that Xie Yan had still not returned, turned and went into Madam Su’s courtyard.

Mother and daughter meeting naturally called for a good long round of warm conversation, and Madam Su affectionately patted the chill from her daughter’s clothing.

“I did hear — that today you were worried about the Third Prince’s health, and insisted on walking up with him, and that when he went to the imperial audience you reminded him not to overstep.”

“I only said a word or two.”

If he were to offend Emperor Jia, her own life as Princess Consort would not be easy either. Plain food and simple living was already pitiful enough — if imperial wrath were added on top, and a single word went differently than it had in their previous life, and she were granted death, what would become of her head?

She valued her life greatly.

Su Jiao smiled brightly, but Madam Su chided her.

“You think I don’t know? You and the Third Prince have deep feelings for each other — there’s nothing to be shy about. Mother can see that though he is as he is now… as long as he treats you well, there’s nothing to find fault with.”

Xie Yan treated her well?

Five years as husband and wife in their previous life hadn’t made this man like her even a little, and in this life they were not even a fortnight in and had only met twice — how did her mother see that Xie Yan treated her well?

Su Jiao pressed her lips to one side.

“Mother, your eyes haven’t gone dim yet, have they?”

Madam Su immediately tapped her on the forehead.

“What nonsense are you saying.”

Su Jiao took the opening to snuggle into her arms and beg for mercy.

“I was wrong — I shouldn’t have said that, Mother.”

Madam Su hadn’t truly been angry to begin with, and gave her forehead a gentle tap. She was just about to laugh and tease her when her expression shifted and she let out a quiet sigh.

“Jiao Jiao, since you say it yourself, Mother won’t press further — only, a prince is still a prince. Even if he treats you well, even if your heart should move toward him in the future, you must keep a limit on yourself. The way of this world… women are always the ones who end up hurt the most. He is a prince after all — if he should take concubines in the future…”

Su Jiao was perceptive enough — she understood her meaning in an instant.

She feared for her happiness in marriage, yet feared too that if she fell in love she would be the one to suffer.

Su Jiao’s heart softened completely, and hugging her mother’s waist she smiled.

“Don’t worry about your daughter, Mother — your daughter’s spirit is strong. What others have used — whether person or object — I will not accept.”

She had never been one to live as a shattered tile in order to remain whole. 

 

TL/N:

The Cold Food Festival (寒食节, Hánshí Jié) is an ancient Chinese traditional festival that comes just before the Qingming Festival.

What it is about:

People are traditionally not allowed to cook using fire (hence “cold food”).

So they eat cold or pre-prepared food.

It originated from a historical legend about Jie Zitui (介子推), a loyal minister who died in a fire in a mountain after refusing reward during exile with a prince. The ruler later ordered no fire on the anniversary of his death.