CHAPTER 17: NOT SO MUCH A REALIZATION AS IT IS ACCEPTANCE

I groaned. I had been feeling all tingly all over since last night and the fact that I felt pinches didn’t help. I didn’t even know why I kept feeling tingly or having those slight pinches that was not only annoying, but actually hurts. Well, not that I was really clueless. I was not that oblivious. I mean, I kinda’ get what was wrong with me but I couldn’t (didn’t want) to admit it just yet. Because, truth be told, I was not exactly sure of it either. And… I kinda’ also, well… Hoping that… I was wrong…

I groaned again, finally deciding to take a long warm bath to calm myself. After spending that supposedly relaxing bath (not helping, btw), I decided to work on the calendar and booklet, which also, not helping, like at all. I couldn’t even concentrate on editing because his face kept popping up (he was in the basketball team, duh!). I sure took a lot of his pictures.

I groaned (again), feeling rather stupid, realizing that I had unconsciously taken mostly his pictures alone. Not so much of the other team members. I might have to go back and take more shots.

I groaned (I do this a lot don’t I?), snatching my phone and my beer, finishing the latter before opening my Line account and started typing.

‘Are you still awake?’

I asked in the chat room.

‘Yeah, what’s up?’

His reply came fast, startling me.

‘Can I come over? I’m bored.’

Now I’m lying. What has became of me? I tapped my fingers on my phone screen. It took Allen longer to reply to this one. Was I disturbing him? I gritted my teeth impatiently.

‘I’ll go there.’

I smiled at his reply, walking to my fridge and taking out two bottles of beer. I sat on the carpet of my living room again after unlocking my door. Not long after, Allen joined me.

I honestly didn’t know what I was trying to do or say when I asked him whether we could hang out tonight or not. And now that he was here, I was at a total loss.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” Allen asked.

“Not sleepy,” I told him, sipping my beer. “And bored,” Well, that one was a lie. I said to him without turning to look at him who sat on the couch.

“Come here,” he tapped my head. I looked over my shoulder at him.

“Huh?”

He tapped the space between his legs on the couch. I absentmindedly obliged.

I got up and approached him slowly, settling myself between his legs. I rested my back on the inside arm of the couch and my legs stretched over one of his and the rest of the couch.

Oh, this was surprisingly comfortable. I leaned against his shoulder, sighing. Now I’m sleepy.

Allen was gently stroking my hair with one hand while the other was holding the beer. We had consumed quite a few and I’ve walked one last time to my fridge, getting a few bottles at once because I was getting tired of having to walk back and forth for it. We were now sitting on the floor which was closer to the table, which meant closer to the beers and snacks. Now I was actually sitting on Allen’s lap, playing with his hair using a weird round hair brush and Marsha’s monster hair clips (they kinda’ appeared everywhere in my room, hence the monster name).

“Ooppsss… Sorry!” I chuckled when Allen growled because I kinda’ pulled on his hair too strongly. I laughed when he buried his face in my neck. I smacked his head but he wouldn’t budge and instead inhaling deeply.

“You smell nice,” I could feel his hot breath on my neck. It was tickling my every sense.

“I took a bath earlier,” I told him, trying not to stutter.

“Hmmm…” he inhaled, taking in my scent and I shuddered. “No, you always smell nice,” he stated.

Somehow, I felt his hands around my waist engulfing me tighter, pulling me in closer. I laughed as I threw my hands around his neck when he kept rubbing his nose on my neck.

“Allen! Stop! It’s ticklish!” I told him as I grabbed a hold of his hair, trying to pry him off of my neck. Then, I felt something softer on it. I tightened my grip on his hair. “Allen,” I breathed his name.

I didn’t think he heard me pleading him to stop, because he started kissing my neck, softly, slowly. Tracing it. I felt hot. And cold. My head was spinning. His hands that were around my waist were now on my back. Under my shirt. Caressing it, gently. I shuddered despite trying so hard not to with everything I had.

He needs to stop!

I pulled away as strong as I could, leaning my body away from him. Then I saw his face and I gasped.

The look on it…

I didn’t know what it meant. But it was making me shudder, making me scared. He was not looking at me the way he usually did. It scared me. I was scared. But…

My body moved faster than my thoughts. I leaned in closer to him, grabbing his hair again, before finally crashing his lips with mine. I could feel Allen gasping in surprise. But I could no longer think. I kept my lips on his. Until he started to kiss me back, pulling me even closer to him. Chest to chest. His body between my knees. My arms around his neck. His hands all over my back. And we kissed. And kissed. And kept on kissing.

He licked my lips and I parted them, letting our tongue intertwine. Playing and teasing. My whole body felt hot and tingly. His touches were so gentle, yet so desperate, mimicking my own. So did our kiss. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t think at all.

All I could do was feel. His soft lips. Sweet. His fingers. Burning. His breath. Ragged. I took everything in. This wasn’t my first kiss. But this was definitely the best. I couldn’t stop. I wanted more of him. I needed more of him.

But then, Allen shoved me back abruptly. We were panting from the lack of oxygen. I looked at him, my eyes and my mind were clouded from the kiss. But I could see him staring at me with another expression I couldn’t read. He then gently pushed me down from his laps and got up.

“I have to go,” he murmured, breathless. “I’m sorry.”

With that, he left me here. In my room. Contemplating, not very much regretting, the stupid mistake we (I) had just made. I mentally and physically slapped myself a good few times to make sure that I understood full well that what I did, was completely wrong and inappropriate.

Why the fuck did I do that? I screamed mentally.

What the fuck am I going to do now?